Top 10 Sean Bean Meme’s

Honestly, not much point to talk here. This is a post that is totally based on opinion, sorry if you’re butt hurt over something. Here we go…

 

1. R.I.P Sean Bean:

Here’s a classic one, simple, minimal, intelligent. For those who know what this talks about its a laughing riot.

2. Walking spoiler:

Another example of an intellectual Meme. (FYI, he’s a spoiler because by virtue of him being in a film, you already know who’s going to die).

 

3. Remember the time:

 

This is a very good example to a reversal of a joke, this Meme plays with a preconceived idea of a joke by reversing the punchline. Brilliant!

 

4. Main Character:

 

 

This one is actually a reversal of another Meme about how Sean Bean dies despite being cast as the main character, which has been true from time to time. (I’m looking at you GOT)

 

5. Arrow to the Knee:

 

Oh Boromir! God bless you…

Nice to MEAT you, Sean.

The field is a 1990 Irish drama film, adapted from a 1965 novel of the same name by John B. Keane about the conditions of underdeveloped 1930s rural Ireland. It might sound normal at first glance. It might even sound like a good drama at first (Its actually not even that bad) but there is a tiny problem (or in our business, a small moment in Sean Beans death history).

The field might not have the most gruesome or the most inventive deaths for Sean Bean (actually an argument can be made for the latter). But it does seem to have the oddest Sean Bean Deaths of all time. Believe it or not, we are finally here, the one that I have mentioned in almost every single one of my earlier posts (if the title’s puns didn’t give it away already). Sean Bean, is run off a cliff by a herd of angry cattle. Yep. You heard me right, he gets run off the cliff by a group of animals.

I have no idea if the filmmakers intended it to be this way, but to an extent, it appears that it might have been intended by the animals (move aside “Jaws the revenge” we have a new film about animals murdering people). For a second I though I might be seeing an uprising of sorts, like a “Rise of planet of cattle” sorta thing going on.

Dat face though!

Rest of the movie is fine. If anything, the hilarious death actually manages to redeem any of its short comings. You should watch the movie for that very thing. The slow build up to that scene with the oldman agitating the cattle, to Sean Beans ignorance of running along the cliffs and finally the hilarious shots of the cows raging towards a clueless Sean who gives a million dollar look of surprise on his face before getting pummeled by cows, to top it all off all this is followed by even more hilarious shots of cows free-falling in slow motion to their deaths.

Its a keeper, that scene. “Death by cow” is not a title anyone would use as a badge of honor but Sean, you make dying look so effortless and so natural. In the most tragic case of irony, you were born for this job.

Its a thankless job. But keep doing it every day. I promise to be there for you Sean Bean. I promise.

 

 

Bean_Stalker Out!

 

From Golden-Eye to a Golden-Drop?

When I was 11 years old, I saw GoldenEye (James Bond) for the first time. I had run-ins with Mr. Bond earlier with his exotic cars, cavalier attitude and promiscuous motives. However, this was a different dude (Bonds kept changing over the years, I was too young to understand the concept of actor portrayal, y’see) from the earlier films, I just couldn’t grasp that.

However, I hated Sean Bean the second I saw him in the film, there was this plastic sheen of positivity to his character in the beginning of the film that made me say to my 11 y/o self “Man!, there’s something not quite right about this dude, he’s f**king a poser.” I wanted to push him off a cliff (foreshadowing).

Then when he returns from the dead in the later half of the film (predictably, in classic Bond fashion) I instantly liked him, he had confidence, bravado, he looked as if he could stand toe to toe with Bond in a witty banter competition. This was all thanks to Bean’s terrific portrayal of the character.

About the title of the post (trust me, its not just corny…It makes total sense), this film was a PG-13 film, so it could be shown on television. That didn’t stop the filmmakers and the studio from sneaking in a few dirty-filthy-gory-bone-crunching scenes into the film. As the American ratings system would say “No blood, no murder” (can’t say the same for my childhood but yay!).

 

To the point then, in this movie Sean Bean plays the role of  Bond’s partner 006 (or double ‘o’ six) a.k.a Alec Trevelyan. In the beginning of the movie he’s declared K.I.A (that’s Killed In Action for the uninitiated). But, remember children uncle Bean wanted the crunch is yearly death quota, so he decides to come back to up the ante and die in a more gruesome fashion.

Now, about the earlier bit, Sean Bean here dies in the beginning of the film by being gunned down, with a point blank head-shot (just to clear his head from all those wandering thoughts). Too bad they cut away to not show his head pop. However, disappointed you shall not be left, Uncle Bean shall quench your blood thirst.

Onto the Golden-Drop (or his fall from grace or he’s just gonna drop by, whatever pun you’d prefer), in a climatic battle between him and Bond. Mr. Bond drops his beloved from a 7 storey drop into a mega sized sat-dish (don’t ask me what it was doing in a Bond film, you’re a complete idiot to demand logic here). His bone crunching drop is shown in full detail, no cutting away from this (remember “No blood, no murder”). In fact, they cut to a closer shot to show it.

Add to that he manages to break all his bones and survive this (Sean just can’t seem to get a BREAK, if you catch my meaning) and the rest of the sat-dish collapses on his insufferable boneless meat-bag of a body. If its any consolation, he does manage to let out a cathartic scream of pain before being pummeled under hot burning metallic rubble.

Well, at least he didn’t get brutally knocked off a cliff by a herd of enraged cattle, or did he?

More on that in the not too distant future maybe?

P.S. Always remember…

Dammit! its a little different than I remember it to be. (although, some would agrue that its not the words but the sentiment that matters…)

 

Bean_Stalker Out!

2001: A death Odyssey

Before you go around throwing praises at me (btw, ew! I have a girlfriend), I’ll have you know, catchy titles were always my thing. On the other hand some of you might think “Ooh, bit wut dus thees stupeed paige hev to do wit 2001, thee greetest ‘Scee-fee’ moovie eveer maed bi Lord Queuebricks??!!”. I’ll tell you two things; A. This post has nothing to do with that movie, SOOO you might have been right (damn that’s  hard to admit) and B. 2001 isn’t the greatest movie ‘Sci-fi’ movie ever made…Its Blade Runner (so, you’re wrong, we’re back to status quo and I’m happy)

But come to think of it, you know what would’ve elevated that damn near perfect movie? I’m glad you asked, (even if you didn’t, IDC – google it, even google would tell you that ‘It don’t care’) A scene where Sean Bean was torn to shreds by a Replicant. Sadly though the movie came out, Sean Bean was probably playing the dude who blows up into chunks off-screen.

Sean Bean may not have done Blade Runner but I’ll tell you one thing he did do, LOTR: FOTR (that’s “Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” for the uninitiated). LOTR came out in 2001, it was a special year.

 

He didn’t grace us with not just one death (was I supposed to say ‘spoiler alert’ before announcing that he bites the bullet in LOTR?) but twice.

That year Sean Bean died in; LOTR and Don’t say a word (no seriously, don’t)

Why this post then?

Well…

Because Sean dies twice (and mainly because he dies in LOTR). It was Sean Beans portrayal of the character, more than his death in LOTR that captivated me. He played the Boromir, the commander to the armies of Gondor (please don’t ask me WHAT a Gondor is). He was shown to be a noble and courageous man, who’s skills rivaled that of Aragon himself (and not the dragon you noobs, wrong page, search under the “twilight fan fiction involving dragons” category).

In the end, even with all his formidable strength, stamina and a lions heart, Sean was bested by a three dimensional characters worst enemy, ‘Bad writing‘.

About his death I would say, “What a lovely day and what a lovely death”. Truly, it brought tears to my eyes. Even though Boromir (Sean Bean) was a courageous warrior he had one weakness, he was a man (the only weakness one needs to fall prey to the One Ring of power, because…plot device). This lead to his slow but eventual seduction to the one ring, however soon enough he broke the spell and protected the ‘Ring-Bearer’ Frodo Baggins (who was a total sod if you ask me) to his uneventful demise.

And if you thought that Willem Dafoe’s death in Platoon was epic ( it was, Youtube that scene rn), you should see Seany boys death in LOTR. He keeps getting arrows buried into his torso but still keeps fighting the good fight (Fact #: In the books, he’s the one who kills the Orc chieftain with arrows sticking out of him and not Aragon, like the films).

About the second death, well, he gets buried alive. I know, I know. Not even nearly as heroic or cool as fighting till death with arrows sticking out of the torso. Oh Sean Bean, you arrow-magnet-orc-fighting-ring-seduced-many-man-you.

Well, Another day, another death (I guess?).

P.S. You know what though, I’d like to pitch in a new idea for a new Sean Bean death in any upcoming film, ‘Death by Snu-Snu’. (Google it, its pretty funny…)

Come to think of it, even if his death sucked in Don’t say a word (please don’t), Sean did look kinda cool.

Bean_Stalker Out!

Sean Bean Lives!

It is slightly ironic to put up a picture of Sean from a film where he is brutally blasted away with a shotgun at point blank range for this post. This is a happy post, so avoid the featured image and imagine a photo of Sean playing with puppies or something. (couldn’t find such a picture, really sorry!)

“But, Bean_Stalker…” you might add “this is the anti-thesis of what your job here is and the name of this blog itself”. But wait a minute (and Sean would agree) who doesn’t lie? And you know what they say about promises…the best ones are the ones that are broken (err, wrong movie…I guess).

So, I decided that why not make something positive and constructive and not ridden with death and despair and decapitation and involving death by a herd of animals.

  It was exhausting to research on and even more tiring to put together. Sean Bean has died so many screen deaths, Sean himself has forgotten about a couple. Could you blame him, though? So, to provide a relief from the heavy list of his movie deaths, here are a few films in which Sean Bean lives on! (and not just in our hearts)

1. Flightplan (2005)
2. Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2006)
3. National Treasure (2004)
4. Black Beauty (1994)
5. Troy (2004)
6. Silent Hill (2006)
7. Silent Hill:Revelation (2012)

Also, I might have lied about not finding a happy photo of Sean Bean. So, here’s a more positive photo of him more than if he was ever to be captured playing with a puppy (which he doesn’t…because he’s a manly man and eats bullets for breakfast). So bask in his glory!

 

 

Bean_Stalker Out!

About Sean Bean

                                                       Shaun Mark Bean, professionally known as Sean Bean is an English actor who gained popularity for his portrayal of Richard Sharpe in the ITV show Sharpe, but mostly for his Yorkshire accent which turned him into a sex symbol (death is beautiful).

With an impressive filmography to his credit and multiple nominations for numerous prestigious awards and wins in his trophy case, if there’s anything more attached to Bean other than his accent, it has to be his screen deaths.

Sean here has died in every possible way a person can imagine (Hell! I’d go as far as saying that your imagination is…limited). Shot by a gun? Check. Impaled by a sharp object? Check. Thrown off a height? Check. BLOWN TO BITS? CHECK!!!

I hope you see a pattern here?

Well, if you don’t. Welcome to this page. (You’re my bread and butter)

Before I talk about all the glorious ways that “The God of Death” has ascended from the silver screen to hall of eternal glory (or eh, death in this case?). Also, I’m a big fan of the guy and not only for his deaths. I’ll have you know, Sean doesn’t mind his deaths either. In fact, I can bet you an Obolus that he’d chuckle if he read this blog. (See what I did there? Huh? hmmm? Obolus instead of a dollar? i.e. Currency given to the ferryman to take you across the river Styx…because death? anyone?)

Okay, now to the meat (which is an oddly fitting word, kinda sadistic and yet still so satisfying). Following is a list of films in which Sean Bean did not make it to the end alive.

(List is made according to date)

1. Caravaggio (1986)

2. War Requiem (1989)

3. The Field (1990)

4. Lorna Doone (1990)

5. Clarissa (1991)

6. Patriot Games (1992)

7. Scarlett (1994)

8. GoldenEye (1995)

9. Airborne (1998)

10. Essex Boys (2000)

11. The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (2001)
    

12. Don’t Say A Word (2001)

13. Equilibrium (2002)
    

14. Henry VIII (2003)

15. The Island (2005)

16. Outlaw (2007)

17. Red Riding: The Year Of Our Lord 1974 (2009)

18. Ca$h (2010)
    

19. Black Death (2010)
    

20. The Hitcher (2010)
    

21. Game Of Thrones (2011)

    So, after looking at the size of that list. You must have figured out that you aren’t dealing with some back-alley-stunt-double-extra-who-fakes-death-badly-onscreen noob. This here is a professional, he knows what he’s doing and its art. Cherish it.

 

BEAN_STALKER OUT!

 

(for those who didn’t get the Bean_Stalk pun…here’s a visual representation)

 

      (Drops figurative mic)